The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
