it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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