i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
