I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
