Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
