if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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