Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
