So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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