Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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