so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
