paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
