He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize