I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
worst night to have a conscience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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