You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
