piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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