Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
