Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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