We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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