I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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