Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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