some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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