I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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