shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
