Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
