It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need a beard to bite.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
