I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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