I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
