im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
