Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
