First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
