She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
