There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
