Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
