Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
