i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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