I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
