He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
