put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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