I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
