i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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