there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
