Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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