I cockslap morals
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
