If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
