i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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