We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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