and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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