I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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