9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
