She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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