Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize