The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
