I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
