I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
