Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
