the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize