OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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