if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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