dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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