so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
