So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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