there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
