Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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