dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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