$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
