Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
