I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
