just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
